dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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