There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
