wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
