Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Randomize
