I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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