help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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