i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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