I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
