Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
