The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
