I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Life is so much better after having sex.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
