I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
