I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Randomize
