I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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