you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
