Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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