Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
