I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
