I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
