Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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