i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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