my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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