508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
