I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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