you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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