Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
