I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
