Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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