my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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