no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
