So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
