Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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