I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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