i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
