enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
