Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Houston, we have a squirter
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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