Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
