its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
