you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
there is puke in my bra ... again
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
