in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
