Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
