nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
