I wanna bring you to show and tell
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
