there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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