About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
