i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
