My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
What a dumb baby whore.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
