she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
