OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
