Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
